Eat Drink & Be Mary: My Struggle with Anxiety Pt. 2 | The time I totaled my car...


My Struggle with Anxiety Pt. 2 | The time I totaled my car...

If you missed it, yesterday I opened up and share my struggle with anxiety.  

And here's the thing y'all.  Anxiety isn't a clear cut thing, it can look different for everyone.  

There's no rhyme or reason really.  Although this image pretty much sums it up.

Other than being late, which if you know me I am always cutting it close, this is me to a tee.  

However, today's post is about a totally different aspect of my anxiety.  

I'm honestly not sure if I've ever mentioned it on here before but...

When I was 16 and two months into having my license, I was in a pretty bad car wreck.  I was somewhere I wasn't supposed to be (sorry mom and dad) and driving home.  It was January and in the mountains.  It had been raining earlier that night, but wasn't anymore but it was really low temps.  Before I knew it I had started to drift of the road, and when I went to get back onto the road I over corrected.  

I honestly a blurry haze of what happened next, and it always has been.  The car behind me (happened to be a volunteer EMT, thank God) said it looked like I hit black ice.  And before I knew it I was doing donuts one direction, over correcting again and doing donuts the other direction.  I was then facing oncoming traffic and went end over end off the embankment only to land on upside down perfectly in between a tree and the side of the mountain.

I say perfectly because a little to the left or right would have been a completely different story.

Once my car hit the ground, I was left dangling upside down thanks to my seat belt.  Seriously, the seat belt saved my life.  And don't even get me started on people who don't think seat belts are necessary.

While screaming at the top of my lungs, said EMT helped me get out of the car and up the embankment.  And literally y'all the only thing on me that was injured was the smallest cut from glass on one of my fingers.  Oh and my car was totaled.  

All I remember from the rest of that night and the next morning, is taking a warm bath and just crying and crying and crying.  

Two weeks after my wreck my mom all but forced me to get behind the wheel in attempts to help me get over the wreck.  And I'm pretty positive that's the only reason I managed to drive again, anxiety or not.

All this to say...

I have l e g i t car anxiety.  Driving to and from work I can handle, and most places around my town that I drive frequently.  And honestly thats about it.  Driving anywhere else and I'm on the verge of a breakdown the entire time.  I can't handle curves (even after growing up in the mountains), I am constantly worried that we won't stop in time and while hit another car, or that someone won't see me and swerve into my lane.  The interstate is obviously 100x times worse, and don't even make me explain the feeling I get anywhere near an 18wheeler.  I hate driving.  And it only gets worse when someone else is driving.  I feel even more out of control (because I obviously am) and on the verge of losing my ish.

The only saving grace when someone else is driving is distractions.  I have to be reading or on my phone so that I'm no longer paying any attention to all that is going on around me.  If not it's gasps, hanging onto the door handle and the worst feeling.  

Honestly, even after I realized I have anxiety I didn't recognize that my car anxiety was this severe until I was explaining to my college roommate on a visit.  But let's be real.  If I never had to ride in a car again I wouldn't be sad about it for a second.  

Thomas is luckily really good about helping me with this.  And encourages me to look at my phone when I start to get too overwhelmed, and knows that he needs to drive everywhere.  Bless that man.

There are really only two ways I get through my anxiety in the car when its a must (like the roadtrip I took to NC this past weekend that brought about this post) LOTS of deep breaths and music.  

I would turn to Pandora "Bethel Live" radio and began to realize that specific songs seemed to help bring me down quicker.  So I started creating a playlist on Spotify.  You can listen the playlist here or I've listed them down below.

King of the World | Natalie Grant

Echo | Blanca

It Is Well | Bethel Music & Kristene DiMarco

Flawless | MercyMe

Because He Lives | Matt Maher

God Is on the Move | 7eventh Time Down
Strong Enough | Matthew West

Good Good Father | Chris Tomlin

Trust In You | Lauren Daigle

Limitless | Colton Dixon

Broken Things | Matthew West

Grace Wins | Matthew West

POSTS YOU MAY ENJOY: {click the images to visit the post}

 photo camoflauge jacket_crisscross tee4_dear anxiety_zpsmwjt9j2y.jpg photo 20 verses on anxiety and stress_zpsfzukle6c.jpg

I hope these songs will help you when you're in need of some destressing or when you feel the anxiety start to creep up on you.  Does anyone else experience car anxiety?  Have you ever been in a bad car wreck?  How did you get back behind the wheel afterwards?  

Image Map

No comments:

Post a Comment

It makes me so happy each time you leave a comment. I love connecting with my readers! Happy blogging friends.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...